I hope there’s wine in hell.

Yesterday The Caboose pinched his middle finger in his closet door. Not the whole finger, just the fleshy tip. It made a purple blister at the pinch site, and the tip of his finger was all swollen and throbbing. We applied ice and elevated the injury. To protect it, he curled the other fingers protectively, extending the middle finger full and straight. You get the picture.

He was making a hand gesture similar to this one. Only with one less finger. (Thanks, Microsoft, for the royalty-free image.)

This morning, it was hurting a bit, so I gave some ibuprofen. Then we got ready for church.

Mass was lovely. Sitting around us were friends, neighbors, and a nun. As the “peace be with you” moment approached, I look over at the boy and see that he has resumed the protective hand position, with the other fingers curled tightly and the injured middle finger fully extended.

I wanted to die.

“Peace be with you.” he sweetly said to the nun.

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Filed under The Catholic Mom, The Lucky Mom

60 responses to “I hope there’s wine in hell.

  1. If there’s one thing kids teach you is how to be prepared for anything. The good, the bad and the ugly. Love it!

  2. Is this child adoptable? I may need him.

  3. Pingback: Blogger Idol Week 6 – Play at home :( #PayItForward

  4. kelleysbreakroom

    NO way! Ha! That is definitely blog material. Love it!

    (Thanks for linking this up to #findingthefunny last week!)

  5. Quite a few of this are enjoying the wine in Hell story – thanks!

  6. That’s awesome. Found you at finding the funny.

  7. Middle finger injury stories are compensation for the pain and suffering. :) If you have to be hurt, might as well be hurt AND have the opportunity to be funny.

  8. Kay S.

    Now I’m laughing at Transitioning Mom. My daughter leads the children’s choir at our church. A couple years ago when the kids were filing out and lining up on the steps for their Christmas performance in front of a packed house, the pastor’s daughter tripped and fell on a step. The little boy behind her leaned down to help her up and make sure she was ok, and she decked him. The air was sucked out of the room. Both kids realized what had happened and collapsed in laughter. Meanwhile, the pastor and his wife were looking for a pew to crawl under :) Good times; great memories.

  9. OMG, I laughed out loud and then read it aloud to my husband and he sent the “Peace be with you” sign for the nun!! How fantastic – since it wasn’t one of my “children”!!
    There will be wine in hell, no worries :) You don’t need to sweat it, bc there will be straws in hell too!!!

  10. Blondy Magee

    Ha! Great story.

  11. During communion when all was quiet, I asked my mother in my outside-at-the-airport voice “IS IT DRINKING TIME YET?”

    Hey I was 3.

    She told the minister she found me on the side of the road that morning.

    Thanks for sharing this embarrassing but hysterical moment. I’m still laughing!

  12. Terri

    If there is wine in church, then there’s wine in heaven. Peace be with you.


  13. heh. classic kid moment. Loved it!

  14. Hilarious. I love the “Peace be with you” paired with the bird. Perfect.
    When my husband was 3, he called a lady in church a “g–dammit.” My MIL said she about died. She has no idea where he heard that word. To make matters worse, my FIL was minister of music in the church.

  15. I hope his finger is healing, and that the redness has left your cheeks.

    I remember when A was around 5, while singing in a church choir performance I saw every ounce of her feisty, sensory-sensitive spirit revealed before our entire congregation,. The little boy behind her kept bumping into her and I could tell by the look on her face she was getting reading to “take him out” at the end of the song. Thankfully, at the end of the song, the kids took a short break which gave me the chance to let the choir director know she’d better move one or the other, or that we’d all be praying for peace.

  16. LOL, Lisha! Hopefully, the peace that was passed found its way to his finger!
    I remember an occasion when A was about 5 and performed in a choir performance at our church. At the time, A was really sensory sensitive and the little boy behind her kept bumping her. Watching A’s face, I knew she was about to pummel the little boy if she wasn’t moved. I wasn’t sure which was the lesser evil–admitting to the choir leader my kid needed to be moved before she tackled the kid, or just letting her tackle the kid. During a break in the performance, I opted to let the choir director know before blood was spilled.

    Hope his finger has healed, and that the red has faded from your cheeks. :)

  17. Giggle… When my brother was about 3 years old, my mom tried to keep him still in church while everyone was kneeling. He bumped his head on a pew and screamed, “Mommy! Why do you hurt me EVERY DAY??” So much for silence!

    Hope that finger heals soon. ;)

  18. That is AMAZING! Poor little bug was probably like, “but mom, my finger hurt!”:) so cute and would have loved to have seem her face.

  19. Anonymous

    I love it! I’m sure the nun didn’t even blink. They have heard it all, many times! Kids do the best stuff in church. At my grandmother’s funeral, the priest told everyone to be seated (there were some non-Catholics in attendance) and Hulkster shouted out, “No!” Everyone giggled and the priest smirked.

  20. Kids are AWESOME and for a period of time so innocent, eh? My daughter, just turned 8, was sitting in the back seat of the car a few months ago with her buddy. They each had gotten a fish at the fish store, which the clerk put individually into bags for them. My daughter’s fish was moving around a lot, and her buddy’s wasn’t. He kept saying, “Cocoa (his fish’s name) isn’t moving much.” Then Maycee, not realizing what she was saying, blurts out, “Well, he doesn’t know what the HE– is going on!” I just about died, and her buddy clammed up immediately! LOL. I don’t cuss, but my daughter has been introduced to these words at her “new” public school she attends. Oh, dear…Later that night I had some explaining to do, as well. LOL! I hope your son’s finger is better in no time, and indeed the story will live on forever! :-) Great share!

  21. Heather Holbrook

    Oh, my gosh! That is hilarious!!! I was laughing so hard my husband asked what I was reading. He got a good laugh, too. Thanks so much for sharing that! Don’t worry, God won’t send you to hell – He knows the whole truth :)

  22. Shawn Rome

    I can so picture this in my head. Lol. I can see the min just smile and say, “and also with you.”. Too funny,

    • Shawn Rome

      That min was suppose to be nun. Dont you just love auto correct.

      • I felt compelled to turn around and chat with her after mass so she could get a different impression of us. We chatted about her order for a few minutes, and I made sure to drop the names of their Catholic schools.

        I can only hope those who caught it could have possibly thought there was another explanation for it besides the obvious.

  23. I went to Catholic grade school, so I can appreciate your wanting to die. Now he has a story to brag about, huh? “Hey guys, guess what did in church today?”

    Hope he heals soon before he has TOO much fun with that injury!

    • He didn’t know what that gesture meant, until I told him this evening. I told him it was like sign language for the F word. I don’t think he’ll be bragging about the story any time soon, but you can be sure we’ll be bringing it up when he’s older and we’re looking for a laugh!

  24. Can you add a tweet button to your widgets? I would love to share this more broadly!

  25. Holy hilarious! Your son flipped the nun the bird! Don’t you just love our children. ;-)

    • This evening I explained to him that that finger gesture is sign language for a curse word, and that if the finger continued to hurt, he had to hold up at least two fingers. And I actually kept a straight face while saying it. :-)

  26. I can’t quit laughing either. And I bet the nun had a great time telling the story to the other sisters at lunch. Come to think of it, they are probably all ROFLOL at this moment too. Just think of it as spreading a little sunshine…..

  27. Greg

    That has the innocence of “The Caboose” written all over the mental image. In our house he will always be lovingly known as “Guitar Hero Virtuoso”!

  28. I hope there’s wine in hell too, because I can’t stop laughing… Poor kiddo. Poor Mom.

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